4 min read
Normally I am not one to share hard news in realtime. I prefer to talk about difficulties once I had time to process and have the benefit of hindsight of a situation. However, that also means that I have often processed hard times on my own.
Over the last year I have received so much encouragement from all of you who read my blog, so I decided to share a bit of what is going on right now. Also, I am hoping that typing it out will help me to process.
A little backstory
It seems like L has caught a bad cold off her older sister (or something else, who knows). During the night between Monday to Tuesday she started getting snotty and her breathing became a bit laboured, but she seemed fine otherwise.
However, over the course of the day, her temperature rose a bit. Not much but when we called the hospital in the evening to ask advice they told us to bring her in immediately.
After a number of tests she got admitted and we stayed the night for observation. I was pretty confident we‘d be going home in the morning. However, over night her oxygen levels kept dipping below ideal levels and she was put on oxygen support.
Today
This morning they took her off, as she seemed to do much better. Everything looked like we would be able to head home tomorrow.
Sadly in her blood test today some infection markers were increased. So now, she had to get another IV needle put in her arm (one of the worst things I had to witness in my life) and is getting antibiotics.
And they want to keep us until at least Monday.
I‘m a bit done
I am pretty tired and feel quite emotionally drained. We have only been here for two nights but it feels like it was much longer. As Lucy was connected to various cables most of the time, her radius was restricted to a meter around her bed.
Today we were able to go on a little walk in the afternoon but otherwise I haven’t left our room much.
Right now I feel sick and worried and sad. I miss SJ. And seeing my not even three week old baby ill breaks my heart.
Please pray for us.
If you have any recommendations for light-hearted books that are easy to get into, let me know. Also, if you‘re local and healthy and free in the next afternoons, I would love some company.
And please pray for my girls. So far, SJ seems to be doing really well but I still worry about her, we have never been apart for so long. L actually seems like she is back to normal today – she is drinking well, her oxygen levels are looking great again, she’s sleeping normal and is pretty happy. I do worry though that the infection markers might mean something more serious might be wrong. I just want her to be well again.
A gratitude list
Because I am always trying to find silver linings and aim to live by 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “thank God in all circumstances…” here’s a list of things I am grateful for:
- I am so glad that L seems to be doing much better than the previous days and that we got a good night of sleep last night.
- The nurses are all really friendly and the hospital food is pretty decent.
- We are able to have visitors. Seeing my parents and Edd yesterday and today helped so much.
- I found some joy today knitting on a pair of socks.
- We were able to continue breastfeeding.
- It’s rough that we have to be here, but what a privilege to access to a good hospital. I am so glad L gets looked after and that I can press a button and speak to a nurse if I am worried about anything.
- I am so glad my midwife advised us to take little L to hospital. She has been so helpful giving me lots of advice and encouragement via text.
- The knowledge that we are in God’s hands and that he is good. I would do everything in my power to protect my children. But my power is limited. His isn’t. He is mighty and he is for us. How wonderful.
1 Comment
Very sorry to read your update of being in the hospital but I hope sharing helped.
Sending you and little L all my thoughts and love. It is horrible seeing them sick – when our first was born, he was huge but had a irrhythmic heartbeat. I didn’t catch it, a student midwife did and twice she called the doctors but they didnt hear it either. Our little guy started to not feed and began to be clammy etc. The doctors thought he had suspected sepsis and took a blood same that had high infection markers, telling us we had to move to another part of the ward, with 5 days of antibiotics during which we would have to stay. After 2.5 days of labour and 5 days of antibiotics, when we finally left the hospital felt like the world had changed completely. I felt so lost and had no idea what had happened to put us on this pathway; it felt like a bizarre journey.
It turns out years later when I asked my notes to be reviewed before we had my second (I was so traumatised by the birth, the suspected sepsis etc) that a midwife commented that it was never confirmed it was sepsis but for babies “they don’t mess about”; that his infection markers never actually rose above 30 and before they grew the culture they just started him on the antibiotics to help just incase and it was all done from a state of “best to be safe not sorry”. That actually it was most likely a common infection he picked up from delivery, that 20-30% of vaginally delivered babies get and that it probably would have resolved itself but the antibiotics did a great job in bringing everything inline and they didn’t need or care about further diagnosis once he started to respond to the antibiotics anyway.
I tell you this to not to downgrade any feelings or invalidate it but to try to lift you up and give you hope that though right now it feels hard and horrible, it is so good you are there, that you took the doctors advice seriously (many parents may not have if it was just a temp), she is getting the best care and she has the best person there to help. Not a nurse, you. ❤️.
Hang in there, you are so strong. Postnatally, these first 4 weeks are so hard as the hormones adjust and the body is still going through all the changes after birth – I really hope you are getting the odd pocket of time for self care and looking after you. If I could, I would come for coffee, buy you a big hot chocolate and cookie and tell you, you got this (but alas, stupid UK not being Germany).
It might be a long weekend but I am wishing you the best possible recovery and as much asleep as you can get with a newborn ❤️