2 min read
It is my due date today! So far, the baby still seems fairly comfortable where it is. I remember being pregnant with SJ, she was born a week after her due date. In those days, the waiting made me feel a lot more stressed. I worried about being overdue and desperately wanted to avoid having to be induced. And just could not wait for our little SJ to finally emerge.
I am so so excited for our baby. But these last few days as just the three of us also feel so precious. After all, it will never again be like this.
Most of the time, I feel very calm. Yes, I am praying for a natural birth. However, I don’t feel anxious about the possibiltiy of having to be induced . In the end, what really matters is that the baby comes out.
My heart is so full with gratitude. For this life. The fact that at the check-up yesterday everything looked perfect. And especially for the peace and anticipation that fill my chest.
The unexpected joy of motherhood
I have mentioned this before, but the joy of motherhood came as a complete surprise to me. Growing up, I never dreamed of being a Mama. There was an underlying expectation that I would have children eventually but I never pictured it or had a particularly strong desire for motherhood.
When I was pregnant with SJ I worried about how I would feel about this baby. How it would be to spend my days being responsible to keep this helpless being alive. I was concerned that the mundanity of feeding, changing, sleeping would thrust me into depression.
But the day SJ was born was the happiest of my life. The days that came after were sometimes very hard and most of the time very tiring but there was this consistent joy that never went away. Every morning when we wake up and I look at her I am overwhelmed by how much I love her.
Oh, what a privilege all this is.
I have no idea how it will be to give birth again. To meet another child, get to know them, care for them. I am sure it will be a challenge to divide my attention between two kids. Possibly, I will get to experience levels of tired that I haven’t known before. But I am filled with positive expectation that it will be good. That there will be joy and grace and love.
I shall keep you posted.