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When my daughter wakes in the night, she cries.
Sometimes me entering her room, my mere presence by her side is enough to quieten her.
She lies back down and falls asleep again.
Because me being there, means that she is safe. My presence means that the world is okay.
Sitting by her bed, watching her breathe, this notion makes me want to cry.
Because, what can I do to keep her safe? How can I make this world okay?
And the next thought breaks my heart:
One day she will realise that her Mama sometimes doesn’t feel safe herself.
So often, her world is nowhere near okay.
And there’s nothing she can do.
I never wanted to be a nostalgic parent,
Clinging to the thought of her being a Baby.
Instead, I want to give her wings.
Want to help her grow, to become independent, to know her own mind and how to go after the things she wants in this life.
I am so excited to meet all the versions of her, that she is yet to become.
And yet, sometimes I wish she would stay like she is now forever.
Not knowing heartbreak, loss, betrayal. Not knowing despair. Not knowing how it feels to be lost.
I count my breaths and I try to be grateful for this moment, in which my presence is all she needs.
And I vow to be present, always, for as long as I can.
This is Day 88 of my 100 Day Project. You can learn more about my 100 day project by reading this post. If you want to do your own 100 day Project, I would recommend checking out the 100 Day Project website.