Friday photos + words // a week in my life 2024

10 min read

Ugh. This whole week was pretty bad in terms of sleep but last night was on another level. I am beyond tired today.

We did the usual morning things – making a bottle of oat milk for SJ, extra strong coffee for me and getting SJ dressed and ready for the day. My mum picked her up to drive her to nursery around 7:30 am.

I gave L a bath and then put her down for a nap.

The community worker who supports me currently arrived shortly after. We chatted for a bit while I emptied the dishwasher. She headed to the basement to do some laundry and I got in the shower with a coffee, hoping to wake up a bit more. Just as I got out the shower, L woke up. It was a bit stressful to navigate a cranky baby and needing to dry and dress myself.

Originally I had planned to see a friend and her newborn baby this morning. However, I didn’t feel like it was safe to drive for me today, I was just too tired. I scratched up my dad’s car once before in this state and don’t want to repeat that experience or risk something worse happening.

I was sad to cancel, I had been looking forward to seeing my friend and for our babies to meet for the first time. And for it to happen during this week! Maybe one day our girls would have looked at this post and smiled about this record of their first encounter.

I then thought that most likely there will be a record anyway. We probably will take a picture of our babies on each other’s laps, or them lying next together on a blanket. However, if it wasn’t for this project, I would never preserve the memory of this particular day, where I am sleep deprived and not up too much else than lying in bed or on the sofa, drinking too many cups of coffee.

So, I nursed L and had some breakfast. Then her and I hung out in the living room for a bit, playing and I was answering some texts.

I hoped that L would get tired eventually and then we could both have a nap. She did get tired but just wouldn’t fall asleep. Instead, she just got more and more aggravated, crying and screaming.

It took quite a while until I finally managed to calm her down. She eventually fell asleep on my arm. After some time I transferred her into her bed and closed my eyes as well. I am terrible at napping and didn’t manage to fall asleep today either.

So I listened to my Bible app with my eyes closed. At least I got a bit of a rest.

I felt so incredibly grateful for the community worker today. By the time I emerged from the bedroom our whole flat was cleaned and she had done all the ironing.

Around noon I got L up for a feed and then we headed to my parents house, who had invited me over for lunch.

The food was delicious and it was so nice to spend some time with my parents. I left L with them while picking up SJ from nursery.

SJ was super tired. She stopped having an afternoon nap at the end of last year, so it’s very noticeable now when she hasn’t slept well at night. Also, we had a very full week. It was good that we hadn’t anything planned for today.

When we got back to my parents house L started being really fussy again. She eventually fell asleep in the carrier.

We headed to the basement with my mum to hang up some washing. SJ wanted a go on the swing. It was fun but then she fell off the swing. Luckily my mum had some leftover Easter chocolate which cheered her up.

Then we went to our house and painted some Easter ornaments. A bit delayed but SJ had lots of fun and was entertained by this activity for nearly an hour.

And L seemed to rather enjoy watching her sister. It was a very nice and peaceful moment!

It stopped being peaceful when I told SJ to wash her hands once we finished painting.

I guess this is a perfect example for the everyday ups and downs of life with small children. Ha!

However, SJ relented, had a snack and we built a fort.

While SJ sat in there listening to Peppa Pig on her Tonie Box, I made some dinner. Vegan Schnitzel for me and French Toast for SJ.

By the time we sat down to eat, L had grown quite unhappy again. I ended up nursing her and eating at the same time. And despite it not being 6 pm yet SJ asked if I could get her ready for bed, as she wanted to sleep.

We are all pretty tired today!

I managed to prolong the time until bed a little bit with some cuddles and reading two bedtime stories. Today SJ chose an Elmar book.

L fell asleep while I was reading and SJ shortly after, it wasn’t even 7 pm. We shall see whether this early bedtime will impact the night in a good or bad way…

I snuck out with L and gave her another feed before putting her in her own bed.

This post feels incredibly boring to me. I guess it was a rather uneventful day! One thing I tried to do today, was to take capture all the times I was breastfeeding.

Right now, nursing is so all-encompassing. It’s hard to believe that one day I might not remember what these days felt or looked like, when there was a small human whose nutrition depended solely on me.

I love breastfeeding and am so glad that with both my children it has been a fairly uncomplicated journey. However, it can also be quite draining. Especially on days like today, where L was screaming mostly at my breast rather than be soothed.

One of my favourite writers, Amy Bornman wrote a beautiful essay on weaning her first son. And I think of these sentences all the time:

So many days. Ordinary devotion. It isn’t hard to nurse a baby once it all works itself out, but it’s costly. So, so much time. Hours and hours and hours of my time. So much energy. Calories, nutrients, the food I put into my body being turned into food for him. Breastmilk is made from the mother’s blood. I don’t understand how, but I know that’s the origin. How wild. I’ve shared my very blood with my child for 825 days. “Everything I have I would give to you.” I wrote that in a poem once, and it comes to mind again.

Amy Bornman in “Weaning

Honestly I am too tired to add anything of significance here, but yes. In some ways it feels to me as looking after a baby eases you into motherhood. Their needs are mostly easy to understand: food, sleep, hygiene, closeness. It gets more complicated as they get older, their wills conflict with yours and they are no longer “innocent” beings. They are rebellious and so full of emotion and seemingly on a mission to show you the boundaries of your own patience.

How amazing that they already taught you to be devoted. The newborn days might not require many complicated parenting decisions from you but they take your sleep, your time, your energy. Having children is costly.

That definitely felt true of today. But that’s okay. Hard, yes. But it is true: “Everything I have I would give to you.”

This post is part of a week long project in which I document my life, day by day. This idea is inspired by Ali Edwards who has been doing this for years.

Here are the photos and words from my Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

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