Flowers trampled on the floor. Overlay text reads: "How to deal with disappointments"

5 steps toward healing from disappointment

9 min read

If you have read my blog last week, you know that I am currently participating in the LoveBlog challenge, hosted by Brita and today also by Laura and me. Each day there is a prompt for a topic to blog about. Today’s topic is healing, this post will specifically focus on healing from disappointment. You can read my previous LoveBlog posts here. Find out more about the challenge and how to participate by scrolling to the end of this post.

Do you feel disappointed?

The man you love rejected you.

You got the degree and the grades but now can’t find a job.

Illness keeps you from living your life the way you wanted to.

Your marriage did not turn out to be what you hoped it would.

The dream job you worked so hard for, turned into a nightmare.

You’re struggling to become pregnant.

On the outside, everything seems fine, but you thought there would be more than this.

How do we get over disappointment?

So what do we do with these feelings of disappointment? How can we get over those not so nice surprises life threw at us?

If we let these issues fester in our hearts we may end up depressed, hopeless and bitter. Equally, the pain might keep us from putting ourselves into situations where we could experience disappointment in the future.

Therefore it is essential to process and deal with feelings of hurt and disappointment.

Here are five steps you can take toward healing from disappointment. (They don’t have to be taken in this particular order. Depending on what you’re going through and how deeply it is affecting you, you might want to start with Step 5.)

1. Don’t run away from the feeling of disappointment.

In our generation we have become expert pain avoiders.

There is a whole range of devices and activities we can turn to escape from the real world. We binge on Netflix, text all day, and constantly expose ourselves to overstimulation from our phones, tablets and TVs.

In order to grow from the pain we experiencing we need to live it.

Before we can heal from our pain, we need to feel it.

Allow yourself to be hurt and disappointed. Acknowledge that this situation is painful.

Too often we belittle our own feelings. We bury them and tell ourselves we’re being silly, overly dramatic and too sensitive.

Your pain is real. Be compassionate with yourself. Allow yourself to feel it.

Allow yourself to feel the pain. Live it. Let it grow you. And above all, have compassion with yourself.#livebrightandbold #loveblog2020 Share on X

2. Come to Jesus with your disappointment.

“Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.” – Hebrews 4:14-16 (The Message Bible)

Jesus has compassion for you. He doesn’t tell you to ‘just get on with it’. Instead, he empathises.

Bring your pain to his cross and be comforted by His presence and love.

Ask him to bring healing to you. Then, go back to ask again. Find someone to pray for you to be healed from your pain. We believe in a God who is capable of doing miracles. We believe that he is our healer and our good Father. So, we know that he is more than capable of healing a broken heart or a broken spirit.

As a child of God you get to boldly approach his throne of grace. So, go approach him. Sit at his feet. There is no better place to be.

Jesus doesn't tell you to get on with it. He empathises with your pain. #livebrightandbold #loveblog2020 Share on X

3. Remind yourself of truth.

When we are facing disappointments, it is easy for lies to enter our minds.

Life is not worth living.

I will never find a husband.

God might have a plan for these other people, but not for my life.

I am a failure.

The list goes on.

In times where it is difficult to see God’s goodness play out in your life, try to see the bigger picture. First, look back. Remember all the times he has come to your rescue. Thank God for saving you from a life of shame and death, that he has given you the righteousness of Christ and overflowing life. Then, look forward. Remember your everlasting hope.

There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning. (Psalm 30:5)

God has good plans for YOUR life. (Jeremiah 29:11)

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)

Jesus loves you so much that he gave his life for you. (Galatians 2:20)

The Bible calls the word of God a weapon. Use it against those dark thoughts, against the lies of the enemy. Scripture is not a mere historical document. It is alive and active and it has the power to change your life.

The word of God is alive and active. It is a weapon. It has the power to change your life. #livebrightandbold #loveblog2020 Share on X

4. Choose forgiveness.

Forgiving someone is not the same as excusing someone’s action. It is not saying what they did to hurt you didn’t actually happen. But it is saying that you let it go. When you forgive, you choose to no longer hold on to the wrong that was done against you. Forgiveness is essential to healing. It is a necessary step toward living in freedom.

“Believe that the grace of God that covers you is beg enough to cover them too.” – Hayley Morgan – Wild and Free

Also forgive yourself. God does not hold your sin against you. Why should you? He died so that you could be free, so don’t waste time holding onto your own failure.

Jesus died to deal with your shortcomings. So let it go. He suffered so you could be free, so stop wasting time holding on to your own failures. #livebrightandbold #loveblog2020 Share on X

5. Talk to someone.

Finally, share your pain with someone. A friend, a therapist, your church leader – find someone you can talk to.

Especially if you experience depression it might be helpful to find a professional to help you through this season in your life.

For anyone it is helpful to process feelings of disappointment with someone else. Speaking with a friend will be helpful because they can give you some perspective or pray for you. Even just having someone listen and be interested in you can have healing effects.

If you are struggling to remind yourself of truth or to pray, share your struggles with your church community. They are your family. I am sure they are glad to encourage you, pray for you and speak truth over you.

I am praying for you, friend. You will get through this.

Picture of yellow leaf on black floor. Overlay text reads: "How to heal from disappointment - a step by step guide"

Meet your Love Blog challenge hosts!

Picture of Love Blog challenge Co-host and author of the Bright and Bold Life, Britta for the post on healing from disappointment.

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Britta blogs over at the Bright And Bold Life about her journey as Jesus-follower, wife, church planter, environmentalist and maker. She recently moved from the UK to Berlin with her husband to be invovled with a new churchplant. Her recipe for a good day includes coffee, bookshops, nature walks and knitting needles.

Picture of Love Blog challenge Co-host Laura for the post on healing from disappointment.

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Laura is a part-time artist hoping to go full time some day. She has a little black bucket list book filled with adventures. She writes with the hope to inspire. She’s known to be quite the workaholic sometimes. She’s an INTJ- A and she believes a cup of hot tea can solve almost anything. She embraces perseverance. She’s spent a lot of time emerged in self-discovery practices over the last several years, and finds she is still learning as she goes. She is here in the blogging world because she believes the buzz about self-care, wellness, and self-love needs to be heard. You can also find her writing over at chatting about blogging and business stuff.

Picture of Love Blog challenge host Brita for the post on healing from disappointment.

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Brita Long is the pink and sparkly personality behind the Christian feminist lifestyle blog, Belle Brita. On her blog and social media, you’ll discover more than authentic storytelling–she’s brutally honest about pursuing a fulfilling and joyful life even with Crohn’s Disease and depression.

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  • Reply susanhomeschooling 19 February 2020 at 9:47 pm

    I love the tips and encouraging Scriptures for getting healed from disappointing experiences. Talking to friends who fully accept you and love you can help to process the pain.

    • Reply Britta 19 February 2020 at 9:51 pm

      Yes, community and friendship are so important!

  • Reply Mikaela 20 February 2020 at 6:58 am

    This post is awesome! I especially love the reminder that we have to allow ourselves to feel disappointment, and the reminder that Jesus can empathize with our struggles and weaknesses. That’s so encouraging to me! I also really have to remember to speak life to myself and to remember God’s promises in scripture when I’m feeling defeated, rather than engaging in negative self-talk. Thank you for this beautiful post!

    • Reply Britta 20 February 2020 at 7:06 am

      Thank you for your kind words Mikaela! I am glad you felt encouraged!!

  • Reply Alessia || Chic + Catholic Blog (@alessia_chic) 20 February 2020 at 12:38 pm

    I love the Psalms and how they show the spectrum all of human emotions and where God is in all that. I love v 11-12 in Psalm 30 as much as 5 for hope. “You have turned my mourning into dancing; you have taken off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy so that my soul may praise you and not be silent.O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever.” It was written after recovering from an illness so it hits quite close to home, as I wait for my own healing.

    • Reply Britta 20 February 2020 at 12:53 pm

      I will pray you will be ‘clothed with joy’ in your waiting!

  • Reply Nancy Burton Wolfe 20 February 2020 at 7:09 pm

    I cannot pick out that “one thing” to comment about because each of the 5 steps are so thoughtful and universal. And so beautifully written. A special “thank you” for including all of the scripture. Each one added one more layer of comfort onto the disappointments I believe all of us share…xoxox

    • Reply Britta 20 February 2020 at 11:00 pm

      Wow thank you Nancy, you are so kind!!

  • Reply Brandi Michelle 22 February 2020 at 10:23 pm

    These are all great tips in properly dealing with disappointment. We cannot heal what we do not reveal so we have to be honest with ourself about our feelings. Even when we can verbalize to God, He understands and hears our groans.

    • Reply Britta 25 February 2020 at 8:39 pm

      He does indeed! What a gift!

  • Reply Donna Miller 11 January 2021 at 1:15 pm

    I love this post, much needed in this day and time. We do tend to cover up our pain and then live with it alot longer than needed. Thank you for taking the time to put together this beautiful post and Scriptures, filled with practical tips on how to walk our healing from disappointments out.

  • Reply Suzanne ~ The Shepherd's Sheep 12 January 2021 at 12:40 am

    Psalm 30:5 really spoke to me: “There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning.” We definitely need the encouragement from disappointment because we face perfectionism all around us. My family has food allergies, but God has redeemed and given us joy despite food allergies. Thank you!

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